Why I Won't Be Crying at My Daughter's Graduation

I won't be crying tonight when my amazing daughter graduates from High School.  Don't get me wrong, I couldn't possibly be prouder of her; it's just not a time for tears.

I am more than ready for her to be done with High School and move on to the rest of her life, whatever that may be.

While the last four years were mostly good, there were some really bad times for her (and us) as well. We will miss the Show Choir and Marching Band and Concert Band, but we won't miss the bullying, drama and peer pressures.

It will be nice to get our weekends back.

I won't miss working all of the concession stands and ticket booths, or badgering folks to support this fund raiser or that.

I will miss the camaraderie we built with some of the other parents that were there in the trenches with us. I won't miss the ones who never left High School behind.

I'm lucky, our daughter will still be living with us next year, while she attends college. But that's not why I won't cry.

Our son moved out his Freshman year of college, that was four years ago.  We still see him about twice a month. We are thrilled that he still enjoys spending time with us and wants to remain part of our lives. Our daughter is the same way.

This is not an ending of our relationship, it is a moving forward of it. I'm not sad she's not my little girl any more, I'm happy she's my adult daughter who is also my friend.  She's still my baby, but she's also a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman who is kind and thoughtful and fun to hang out with.

I won't be crying because I'm happy she has the opportunity to move on, and that she chooses to remain a part of our family. I am excited for her for her new adventures and I am excited for us as well. I rejoice in the passing of this milestone for all of us.

Watch how we soar!

Faithful

There is nothing in this world more faithful than a dog.

Dog is God spelled backwards.

If we could have as much faith in God, as dogs have in us, we'd be better off.

Silence

I was having a really hard time coming up with something for this word.  Thus, my silence for the last day or so.  I finally googled "Silence", and after I convinced Google that I really meant "silence", not "Silence of the Lambs", I got a bunch of images like the one above.

Why is silence always depicted as being dark, cold and alone?

One of the best feelings I experience is when I can sit in silence with a friend and be totally at ease.

Enjoying silence is to enjoy the moment, to be present, not to worry about the future or the past.

Silence does not have to be dark, cold or lonely.  Remember, silence can be golden.

Spirit

This is what my Spirit looks like when I'm doing yoga.

This is NOT what my body looks like.

That's ok.

Where my Spirit goes, my body will follow.

Celebrate IV

On Sunday I cleaned up my cropping room.  It's time, past time really, to get crackin' on some projects with looming deadlines!

I need to finish Wolf's scrapbook from when he was here. I need to take the second, and final, volume to him when we visit in June.  The tough part of this project isn't so much the hundreds of photos to go through, it's that I'm making a duplicate album so we have one to keep.  It's a daunting task to say the least.

I also need to make Cora a scrapbook of her Senior Year, so we may display it at her Graduation party at the end of May. 

Yeah, I know it's March.

It's time to get to work to celebrate these amazing people and all the great things they do with their lives!

Procrastinators unite!

P.S. Anyone want to come scrap with me?

Endure

I was at a total loss for a picture for this word, then, I was washing my hands in the restroom at the doctor's office this morning, I looked up, saw this bottle of lotion, laughed and took it's picture. 

I'm not sure what "endure" has to do with hand lotion, but who am I to question it!

I don't have much to say on this subject, except that I don't really like this word. To me, it seems rather negative. Endure is something to wait out, not enjoy, not grow from, nothing positive. 

I do not wish to endure anything in life. I hope you don't either!

Help

Today, Deane and I took the afternoon off to go and help his mother.  Her house sustained some wind damage a week or so ago and the skylight on the back patio was damaged.  Deane, Dave and I replaced it today.  We also helped her with a few other things around the house.  Then all went to Cissna Park and looked at an apartment.

Soon, we will probably need to help Juanita move.

It will be very hard for all of us.

The apartment was very nice and has everything she needs and is a nice, safe place with great staff and folks to look in on her and help her.

It's just hard to think that we will all be giving up her home.

Whoever said getting old isn't for sissy's wasn't kidding.

Power

Last weekend we attended a wine tasting at the new Art Mart.  It was a fundraiser and we enjoyed supporting a great cause, tasting wine and socializing with great friends. We also got a chance to look around the new store.

While browsing through all of the lovely things they have for sale, I came across some rose scented perfume.

When I was a poor college student I used to wear some very inexpensive perfume that smelled exactly like roses.  I wore it all the time.  I used to buy it at the grocery store.  I haven't been able to find it in years.

One sniff of this new perfume and I was transported back 20 years.

I excitedly showed it to Deane. He smelled it and got the biggest smile on his face!  He bought it for me immediately.  We took it back to our table and I showed it to our group of friends.  Deane excitedly told them all about how I used to wear rose perfume all the time.

The power of smell to bring back memories is strong indeed.

I put some of my new perfume on before we went to bed that night.

Found

I was at a loss for this word, then, I remembered I found this penny yesterday.

See a penny, pick it up, all day long, you'll have good luck! But only if it's head's up!

People put a lot of stock in finding pennies. Some say it's a "hello" from a loved one who is no longer with us, some say a head's up penny brings good luck.  I think it's a nice way to find a bright spot in your day.

Let's face it, pennies can't buy you much these days, unless you collect a lot of them!  

Did you know, that the state of Illinois is one of the only places you can still use pennies to pay a toll? It is the Land of Lincoln after all!

Here's hoping you find a head's up penny to brighten your day!

Witness

Things are not always Shiny and Chrome.

Sunday night Julian called and said his check engine light was on.

Yesterday, we got a letter from the IRS saying we owed them a couple of thousand dollars from 2014. 

This morning the water heater died.

Witness!

We have an extra vehicle, Julian came home yesterday, dropped his car at the shop and took our truck back to Bloomington.

We talked to our accountant and are most of the way to resolving the issue with the IRS (apparently we had an extra W2 we knew nothing about, an amended tax return and maybe a couple of hundred dollars should take care of it).

I was able to work from home today, find a plumber and we should have hot water within the hour.

Today's photo is of my dear husband shoveling the neighbor's sidewalk last week.  He does this pretty much every time it snows.  He always shovels our block.  You see, our corner is a school cross walk, he wants to make sure the kids can safely get through. If he has time, he will often shovel the other side of the street too.  Sometimes, he uses a snowblower, mostly, he uses a shovel.

What does that have to do with the series of unfortunate events I listed above? I believe that if you take care of others, others will take care of you. Yes, all of the things that have happened over the last few days suck, but they all could have sucked a lot more! We have the resources and tools we need to deal with them all.  We are very fortunate. We are blessed.  

I can't help but think that what you put out into the world comes back to you.  Bad situations are made better, good situations are amplified and sometimes humbled.  Attitude is everything!

Witness!  

Thirst

I won't lie, I enjoy a nice glass or two of wine every now and again. I wouldn't use it to quench my thirst though. I use water for that. 

When I want to unwind with my girls, wine is on the table. 

When I want to relax with my husband at the end of the day, we drink wine on the couch. 

When we want to hang out with friends and share stories and laughs, we have fire and wine. 

When we want to refresh our spirits, we eat bread and drink wine. 

Wine is the stuff of life. 

Celebrate III

Today we received our Girl Scout cookie order. There many things to celebrate about this. 

1. We have Girl Scout Cookies!!!!!!

2. We didn't have sell them!

3.  We didn't have to deliver them!

4.  We can eat them all whenever we want!!!!!!

5. We can order more if we need to!

Seriously, I loved my time working with the Girl Scouts. I made some great friends and got to work with lots of great girls. 

Selling cookies was not my favorite thing. 

It was stressful and chaotic and something always went wrong. 

I am happy to sit back and support the girls by ordering cookies and plan to continue to do so for years to come. 

Heal

Love helps me heal.  

This is a photo of my sweet girl massaging my hand not long after my accident.

My hands were one of the few parts of my body that were not in pain and could be touched.

My husband preserved as much of my dignity as he could while I was healing, this is why you won't see many photos of me during that time.

My loved one's touch remains the best medicine I could ever ask for.  

See

Do you see the objects listed in the picture?  I do!  

I love playing hidden object games.  I started playing them during my recovery.  I had some memory issues due to all of the pain medication I had been on.  I used the games as a form of memory therapy.  It helped.  Now, I just play them for fun, although I do think they help keep my memory sharper.

Joy

Doing things together, eating good food, drinking good wine.  All of these things bring me joy.

Recently we started participating in one of the home delivery meal company programs.  We love it.

It brings us together, exposes us (especially Cora) to new foods and teaches us good preparation techniques.  It's even more fun that Cora wants to study Culinary at Parkland next year.

It's sometimes challenging to have three cooks in the kitchen, but it's teaching us to work together better.  All of the meals have been excellent.  The ones that include dishes that Cora won't like, Deane and I make together and have as a "date night" at home.  

It's not cheap, but it's healthier and cheaper than eating out.  

All in all, it is joyful to eat a delicious meal that we have all made together.  

Shelter

Today we are experiencing a blizzard.  It's hard to tell exactly how much snow we've gotten so far, the wind is blowing so hard it's making drifts everywhere.

It started as wind and rain, but by 5:00am schools were already closing.  Even church services for tonight have been canceled.

Today, I am very grateful for shelter.

We are hunkered down, working on our computers, playing x-box, reading, staying warm.  I pray that everyone who can't do the same, stays safe and warm. I pray we all have shelter.

Vision

I've worn glasses since I was in 7th grade.  I actually self-diagnosed my near-nearsightedness. 

We were doing a project in Science class that involved measuring how light enters your eye.  We had to chart our own measurements on a diagram of the eye.  The lines were all supposed to converge on a single focal point.  Mine didn't.  My mom took me to the eye doctor the next day.

I started wearing contacts when I was 16.  I have the kind you can sleep in and so I often forget that I have vision problems.  I do have to take them out occasionally and when I do, I am instantly reminded of how blind I really am.  Deane will ask me what time it is and I'm all "Where's the clock?"

I'm old enough now that I'm nearsighted and farsighted.  Thank God for mono-vision contacts!

It's not perfect, I wear glasses to drive at night or watch movies (they correct my farsighted contact eye for my nearsighted issues), but they're a far sight better than bifocals! (See what I did there?).

I am often very grateful to live in a day and age with so much medical advancement.  Indeed, I would have perished log ago with out it.  It's good to take a step back and reflect on it every once in a while.

Celebrate II

Not a deep post today. One of First World enjoyment. 

Today we got one of my favorite games from Xbox 360 to work on the Xbox One. I haven't gotten to play this in about a year and a half. I celebrated by playing for about an hour. It was fun. 

I hope you got to celebrate somethings today. 

Live

Today is Saturday.  It's the weekend.  Weekends are for resting, right? Not around here!

We were up at the crack of dawn (or earlier in Cora's case) to head to a Show Choir Competition in El Paso.  They performed at 9:00am.  Julian and Ashley joined us there.  

Once the performance was over, we drove to Bloomington and had breakfast.  After breakfast, Deane Cora and I headed back to Paxton.  

We got home about 1:00pm.  Deane cleaned the yard and started washing cars.  I helped. We did laundry. 

Around 3:00pm we all piled into the golf cart, with the dogs, and drove to DQ for a snack.  The dogs got their first Pup Cups of the year.  Then, we drove over to the Schaumberg's and gave the kids rides around the parking lot for awhile.

It's almost 4pm.  Cora has to work at 6pm, Deane and I have plans to meet the Hess's at the Market Street Theater for a Murder Mystery at 7pm.

Yep, we like to live!

Love

This is a photo frame that I have in my office. Deane gave it to me when I was at Heartland, to help me remember how much I am loved, and what love looks like.

I'm sure you are all getting tired of hearing this, but I really love my husband.  I am a very lucky lady.

He's pretty lucky too!

We have lots of fun together, get lots of work done together and raise our children together.  We also spend time apart. We have found that to be just as important as being together.

Sometimes we forget to cherish each other as we should, but somehow we always get back to where we belong.

Soon, we will enter a new phase of life.  We will become "Empty Nester's", although I sincerely hope our children never stop doing things with us and being an active part of our lives.  I think we are up for the challenge, whenever it comes.  I'm sure our lives will still be just as busy and just as full as they are now.

Maybe, we will have a little more time for ourselves, I know we will always be in love.

Refuge

To me, refuge means someplace you are safe from the world, somewhere you are at peace.

My husband's arms are my refuge.

Whenever I am upset, even if it's at him, all I need is to be in Deane's embrace to calm me down.

When I was in the hospital, all it took was the touch of his hand to drop my blood pressure and give me reassurance.

When I am in his arm's, I am loved, I am safe, I am home.

Mighty

This photo is from January 6th, 2012.  It was taken 4 days after I had returned home.  As you can see, I was still using a wheelchair. We were joking around that this was how I would do PT at home. I was mighty in spirit.

Most of the time I still am.  Sometimes I feel a bit too mighty, and God gently reminds me to be humble.

I went to yoga again this week.  It kicked my ass. Seriously, I cried.

It wasn't the teacher, she's awesome.  It wasn't the other students, they were very friendly.  It was me.

My first class had been fairly easy and I'd done really well.  I was very proud of myself.  This time, not so much.

There was a lot of balancing that my right leg wasn't going to have anything to do with, no matter how hard I tried to make it.  There were also a lot of poses that involved going up on ones toes - not happening.  

I adjusted. I modified the poses with the help of the instructor, and all the while I was getting more and more frustrated with myself and felt less and less mighty.

These are things that should have been very simple to do, and they weren't.  It was very humbling.

This was two days ago.  My body is still sore.  

Yoga is not for wimps. 

Today, I will go to the gym. Maybe it will bring back some of my might. 

In two weeks I will go back to yoga (that's when the next class is).  

I will strive to remember why I'm there. I want to gain strength and flexibility. 

I want to grow. 

Growth makes us mighty.

Go

There is a hymn we sometimes sing at church.  It's titled "Go".  This is what I think of when I saw this word for today.  It's a simple song and I really like it.

Go

Go ye therefore and teach all nations, go, go, go

Go ye therefore and teach all nations, go, go, go

Baptizing them in the Name of the Father

The Son and Holy Ghost, go, go, go

If you love Me, really love Me, feed My, My sheep

If you love Me, really love Me, feed My sheep

Lord, I'll be with You forever and ever

Until the end of the world, go, go, go

Read more: Shirley Caesar - Go Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Settle

I don't settle -

except on the couch, I do settle down on the couch, but I don't settle in life.

Why would I settle?  Where's the fun in that?  If I want something I strive to get it, or make it.

To settle is to give up or give in.  That's not in my nature. I don't want it to be in my nature.

Settling is boring. 

Celebrate

Today is Valentine's Day, Sunday, Gunnar's Birthday and the Birthday of my late Grandmother.

Today, like everyday, there is lots to celebrate.

Today it's snowing like crazy so our plans to celebrate and go out to dinner have changed to plans of staying home, digging out the neighborhood and celebrate being together.

Gunnar gets to be extra spoiled today and eat Frosty Paws (beef flavored ice-cream), as well as play with Dad in the snow.

Deane gets to get spoiled and eat buttered scones and tea.

Cora gets to eat lunch with her boyfriend, the rest of their plans are moved to tomorrow, due to the snow.

Julian has plans for dinner out, I hope he gets to keep them!

I got beautiful chocolate covered strawberries, and get to spend the day baking, playing x-box and watching tv.

Life is good, all the time, life is good!

Go out and celebrate!

Injustice

About 2 months ago the University of Illinois decided to put parking meters up in all of their Handicap Parking spots.  These spots are in reserved parking lots owned by the University.  The University is perfectly within their rights to do this.

In 2014 the state of Illinois said it was OK to put meters up at all handicap spaces.  The state does issue special placards for those who would have trouble getting to a meter to pay it, but folks with the regular blue and white placards are expected to feed the meter, just like everyone else.

In reserved parking lots, you need to pay for a permit to park there.  Now, you also have to pay .75 per /hr to park in a handicap spot in that reserved lot.  That's $7.00 a day for an average 9 hour work day plus travel time to and from the parking lot, on top of the monthly ~$40 / month for the lot permit.  Everyone else who parks in the lot only pays the monthly fee.  They don't feed a meter.

From what I've seen, most of the handicap spaces on campus now go unused.

Folks don't like to have to double pay in order to park their cars for the work day.

Most handicap placard holders are probably doing what I had to do: provide extra documentation to the University (my placard wasn't enough) and pay extra to have my own, 24/7 reserved space, which is closer to my office than the handicap spot I used to use and cost the University more money to put up the permanent sign required.

On a side note, the cities of Champaign and Urbana still have free handicap spots on the street and in municipal lots.

I'm sure there's another side to this story, but I don't know what it is.

Look

These photo collages were part of my gift from Deane on the occasion of our 25th Wedding Anniversary this past December.

I could look at them forever!

They are now framed and hanging in our bedroom, where I get to look at them everyday.
I love the way they show how much we've shared over the years, but more than that, I love that we still look at each other the same way.

Voice

I See Fire - Cora Geiken

My daughter Cora has the most amazing voice!

I know, I'm her Mom, and I'm supposed to think she's awesome (and I do, and she IS!), but really, that girl can sing!

I can't sing.

Seriously, I'm terrible.

I'm so bad, that in High School, my drama club director used to have me be one of the first kids to do the vocal audition for the Spring Musical.  Once everyone heard how horrible I was, they weren't afraid to try out anymore.  I always got a part in the chorus.  I can dance, and as long as I sang quietly it all worked out.

I love to sing. I sing loudly in the car when no one is with me.  I sing in Church when I can follow Cora's voice (she dumbs it down so I can follow her).

My voice is not in my singing.  It appears in other ways.  Sometimes in writing, sometimes in listening, sometimes in speaking, sometimes in touching.

My voice is my own.


P.S. I apologize to those of you who are reading both my blog and Deane's.  I have a feeling there's gonna be a lot of overlap on this Lenten Challenge.  I guess it's a testament to how close we are.  I promise, we're not doing it on purpose!

Gather

Gather is a very happy word to me.  To me it means pulling together things that I love.  I love to gather my friends and family and spend time with them.  I am seriously happiest when I am surrounded by people I care about.

I do like to have some alone time, time to gather my thoughts and gather my energy, but I get so much from being with others, it's hard for me to say no to being with them.

I am very fortunate to have great family and amazing friends. You give me life, thank you!

It's hard sometimes because it seems that we only gather if we, Deane and I, initiate it.  It would be nice to occasionally have someone else say, "Hey, let's get together and do something!".  Even Julie, the Cruise Director gets lonely sometimes.