Our First Date

Our First Date

May 1, 1987, our first date and the beginning of the best part of my life.

It didn't start out to be a date.  You may recall, Deane and I had met a few months before and had gotten to be friends during that time. I had also broken up with my boyfriend and was not dating anyone at the time. It was the end of the second semester of my Sophomore year at the U of I.  I was very excited about having some of my videos and photos in an Art Show at Allen Hall and had invited everyone I knew to come. Deane, Dave H. and Becky (a friend from High School) all came to the show.  They got there near the end and asked if I'd like to go out dancing afterwards.  I thought that sounded like lots of fun.

The three of us got into Deane's huge black LTD and drove to C Street, the best place to go dancing back then.  We had a great time and closed the place down.  I remember I was wearing boots and my feet hurt from dancing so much.  When we got back to the car I took my boots off and Deane rubbed my feet while we decided what to do next.  None of us were ready for the night to be over.

Becky suggested we go to her parent's house and get in the hot tub.  This sounded great to us!  We went by my apartment so I could get my swimsuit and then headed over to Becky's parent's.  I remember the guys went and changed in another room while Becky and I got into our suits.  Then we all got into the hot tub. 

Roxy Music was playing on the boombox.  Dave and Becky were enjoying each other's company and Deane and I were talking on the other side of the hot tub.  After what seemed like an eternity, Deane kissed me.  That was it.  Weather I knew it at the time or not, that was the beginning of the best part of my life.

After the hot tub we all went back to Becky's apartment and crashed; all four of us passed out on her bed.

The next day Deane and I went to see the Battle of the Bands on campus.  It was a beautiful day with good music and great company.  I remember ending the day by telling Deane I didn't know if I really wanted a boyfriend yet (I had recently broken up with a long time boyfriend and kind of wanted to be on my own for awhile).  He was totally cool about it and said that was fine.

I think I called him the next day to see if he wanted to go to a movie with me.

We've been together ever since.

Lent 2014 - Day 38 - Writing

Writing

I've never considered myself to be much of a writer.  Truth be told, I've done more writing on a regular basis these last thirty nine days than I have since college.  I've always thought of myself as a competent writer, it's just never been one of my favorite things to do.

My parents are both accomplished and published authors.  Other than on my blog, I don't think any of my writing has ever really been published.  I've written the odd article for an online newsletter here or there, but nothing really of note.

I have had some of my short films and videos get published.  I even had one on exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) in New York City.  That was pretty cool.  I also had a few exhibitions of my photography when I was in college.  All of that was a long time ago.

I have found it quite challenging to try to write pretty much everyday for 40 days (that would explain why I'm a few days behind).  It has also been rather enjoyable.  The best part of it for me has been hearing your comments and having conversations with you about my stories.  I'd love for these posts to be seen more as conversation starters than anything else.  I have no great dreams of becoming a star of the blogosphere, but I must admit that I get a thrill when I see the view counts go up on my posts (remember, I'm very competitive).

It has been rather cathartic as well.  I've enjoyed trying to explain how I feel about things and why some things are important to me.  I hope it's given you a chance to get to know me better.

I doubt that I will continue to try to post on a daily basis once Lent is over.  However, I will probably post more often than I did before.

Thank you for being a great audience!

Lent - 2014 - Day 37 - Juanita

Juanita

Juanita is my Mother-in-Law. I don't think she gets enough credit most of the time, so I thought I'd write about her.

Despite having only a High School education and never having a lot of money, she's managed to raise five wonderful kids and is the Grandmother and Great-Grandmother to a good deal more.  She would do absolutely anything for any one of them at any time. Period.

She was absolutely devoted to her husband Marvin and misses him everyday. She has learned to do pretty well on her own, but she gets lonely.

She lays awake at night worrying about her family.  If there is ever anything she can do to help, she does.

She loves us all with food.  If you ever leave her house hungry, it's your own fault.  If five people are expected for lunch, she makes enough food for twenty, at least.

She and Marvin used to dog sit for us and she would cook for my dogs. Seriously, she would buy canned salmon and cook it up with eggs and feed them. She loves dogs, and they love her.

She is proud of every one of her kids and their families.

She is Faithful and prays for us all daily.

She goes to as many of her children, Grandchildren and Great-Grandchildren's events as she can.  She's almost 87, so sometimes it's hard for her to get there.

She has photos of all of her family all over her house.

She never misses a birthday or anniversary, she always sends a card.

She has a great sense of humor and isn't afraid to laugh at herself.  She once lost her dentures and after a very thorough search it became apparent they would never be found, she'd have to get new ones.  It was close to Christmas so we went out and bought her a set of Bubba teeth (you know those fake teeth that make you look like you have buck teeth?).  We wrapped them up and gave them to her at Christmas.  She opened them up, laughed and put them in! She even let us take her picture!  It was hilarious. 

She remembers everyone's favorite food and always tries to make it for them when they come to visit.

She can't sit still.  If she's not folding laundry, doing a jigsaw puzzle or cooking, she's rubbing her knee with her hand while she sits.

We all have flaws, some of us are just better at hiding them than others. No one can ever accuse Juanita of playing games, she is an open book. With Juanita you will always know exactly where she stands. Sometimes we have to remember that she is just being genuine and that we should not take her tone or approach personally (I struggle with this one a lot). She does not mean to offend, she's just getting right to the point. I think she's afraid if she doesn't make a fuss she won't get noticed.

I wish she had more faith in herself.  She is a very good woman with a great heart.  If she had more confidence in her own abilities I think she would be happier.

I love her and am glad she's in my life.

Lent 2014 - Day 36 - Scrapbooking

Scrapbooking

One of my biggest hobbies is Scrapbooking.  I love doing it, but sometimes its hard to get started.  It can be so overwhelming!  There are just so many photos, it seems impossible to ever get caught up!

I think one of the reasons I like to scrapbook is because I have so little from when I was growing up.  We moved so often that keepsakes were few and it seems I have almost no photos from my childhood.  I love telling the stories of my family in these albums.  As you can see, we have quite a few!

I've been trying to finish albums for Wolf from his stay here with us last year.  I'm trying to make two copies of the albums, one for him and one for us.  It's a daunting task and I need to be more diligent about it. That's another part of the problem for me, once it becomes a job it loses some of the fun.

For over ten years I was a Creative Memories consultant, mainly to support my own habit. I don't miss having to make sales, I miss the crops though.  They were kind of like a modern day Quilting Bee.  Lots of women all together in the same room working on creating something meaningful for their families.  We would talk and share about our lives, make suggestions about page layouts, laugh and snack.  It was wonderful! I'm sure I'd scrapbook more now if I had some of that fellowship. Anyone want to be my scrapbook buddy?

Time is also my enemy here.  Everything else seems to be more of a priority.  I have a space in the basement where I can crop, now that its finally warming up I might be able to spend more than 15min. down there and not get frostbite!

Whenever I see my kids sit down and look through an album it reminds me why I made them.  They love going over the photos and the stories, reliving family vacations, Christmas and birthdays, as well as everyday days we had together.  These are great gifts, I just need to remind myself of that and get back to it!

Let me know if you'd like to come over and crop sometime! I'd love to have the company!

Lent 2014 - Day 35 - Gaming

Gaming

I have kind of a love / hate relationship with gaming.  

Sometimes I love it, especially when I'm wining. 

Seriously, I'm very competitive and I think strategically so some games I really like.  Resource management (Catan, Carcassone) games are ones I'm very good at. Word association games too (Taboo!, Heads Up) and trivia games (Trivial Pursuit, Chronology). Pattern games (Set, Tsuro).

I do not like role playing games. I think it's because I feel like the rules are being made up as we go and the goal of the GM is to trip me up. I really don't like that.  I like to know how the game is going to be played from the outset. I also don't like the all consuming nature of role playing games. It seems as if time stops and nothing else matters when people go into one of these games, which would be OK for an hour or two, but it goes on for way too long for me.

I do not like learning new games. I think its because I feel stupid when I mess up at a new game and that makes me mad.  As I said before, I'm very competitive, and yes, I know this can be problematic.

I do not like being left out of games.

I stink at first person shooter games.Although, I enjoy watching Deane play Bio Shock in all of it's forms.  I can participate with him as he plays by being an extra set of eyes and helping him find things.

I'm good at pinball.

I like playing every once in a while.  I don't need it to be a weekly thing.  There are too many other things that I need to deal with on a weekly basis. We used to host a game night once a month.  That was fun. We'd pick a "theme" or certain game to play most of the night and we all had a good time at it.

I like the social aspect of gaming.  

I hate vindictive gamers. You know, those people who go after one person just because they can?  I may be competitive, but I'm fair and I don't like to pick on other players.

We go to GenCon as a family every year and I really enjoy it.  I really don't play that many games while I'm there.  I like to look at the expo floor, check out the Cosplayers and take in Indianapolis.

We also go to Winter War every year, here in Champaign.  I like to compete in the Catan tournament there, mainly because the folks are pretty friendly, I get to play several games of Settlers of Catan and the guy who organizes it is awesome.

Gaming is part of my social life.  It is by no means the largest part, but it is a part that I enjoy.  Just don't try to beat me!

Lent 2014 - Day 34 - Lilly

Lilly

Lilly is one of my best friends.  She calls me Auntie Cee and calls Deane Auntie Deane (apparently to Lilly Auntie is simply a term of endearment, we love it). All of the kids love Lilly too, they call her Littl' Lilly.  Lilly is Noah's big sister and the daughter of dear friends.  We have gotten to be very close over the last few years. 

Before we got to know Lilly we admired her from afar (across the church).  As an infant, we marveled at how she was able to hold up her head with such wonderfully pudgy cheeks. She had such a great smile.  We are so glad to have her in our lives now.

A week or so ago I was playing piggies with Lilly while everyone else was busy doing other things.  We were laying together on the love seat in her living room.  Lilly turned over and gave me a huge hug, sighed and said "I love you Auntie Cee."  I almost cried.  It was the first time she'd said that to me spontaneously.  We always say "love you" when saying good bye, but this was the first time she declared her love for me all on her own.  I feel very special.

We got to spend the day with Lilly, just me and Deane.  We went to her soccer practice, had lunch at McDonalds and worked out in our yard.  Lilly had a great time helping Deane dig things up in the garden and power wash the patio (she kept trying to spray the dogs, who loved it!). Hanging out with Lilly gave us a taste of what it will be like to be grandparents someday.  I think we are going to like it.

Lilly keeps us on our toes and reminds us of the joy of childhood.  We love having her around, but to be honest, we also love being able to take her home at the end of the day!  I think it's easier to love young children when you can "borrow" them for the day!

So, Thank You Lilly for being our friend!  We look forward to watching you grow and playing with you for a long time to come!

Lent 2014 - Day 33 - Pain

Pain

There was a time when getting me into this chair took four people and a lot of pain.  I was doing really well to be able to sit up for 15-20min.  Thankfully, things are much better now.

I still have pain, pretty much on a daily basis.  It's not usually too bad.  Sometimes I get terrible nerve pain (usually it starts around 2am).  I wouldn't wish that stuff on anyone.  It comes in two flavors, electrocution, it literally feels like I'm being shocked repeatedly in the same spot for hours on end, and fire, where a section of my foot becomes so sensitive that any touch will cause me to cry out.  Sometimes the fire is really more of a dull roar, that is to say part of my foot will be on fire, but I can manage to ignore it most of the time.

I have a variety of remedies for both kinds of pain, electric pulse massage, creams, pills.  Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.  Sometimes the pills just make me not care as much.  Mostly I find doing something that gets my mind off of myself is the best remedy.  This is not always possible at 2am (thank God for Netflix!), but when things go bad during the day, I try to keep myself busy or to at least remind myself that there are so many others out there who have it far, far worse than I.

I tell you all of this, not to complain, but to explain.  Sometimes I may be a bit more distracted or short tempered than normal. I apologize for that, I'm probably dealing with pain or fatigue brought on by pain and lack of sleep. Of course, I could just be spaced out or grouchy. I am human after all!

I've said before, I don't see the fact that I have pain as something that makes me different from anyone else. We all have burdens to bear, seen and unseen. We all need to learn to cut each other a little more slack and be kinder and more patient with each other (I know I need to work on this!).  If you ever hear me say I'm hurting, there's a good bet I'm hurting pretty badly and need to take a break or deal with it in some way.  I really don't like it when pain gets in my way.

I thank you all for putting up with me through this, especially my husband and my kids, Lord knows they bear the brunt of my crankiness! I really am sorry when I snap at you, its not your fault.  Thanks for forgiving me, understanding and helping me to keep moving on!

Lent 2014 - Day 32 - Cheesecake

Cheesecake

Yesterday evening I was sitting around a table with some ladies from church selling them cheesecake. The High School Chorus is selling them as a fundraiser (I'd be happy to hook you up, just let me know!) and we started talking about how good cheesecake is.  It got me to remembering the best cheesecake ever.

When I was young, maybe 7 or 8, I went to visit my Aunt's in-laws in Great Neck New York.  They owned a bakery, sadly, I don't remember the name of it.  What I do remember is Grandpa Sol and Uncle Sol (they were actually my cousin's grandpa and uncle, and yes, they had the same name and no I'm not exactly sure how they were related, but none of that really matters) took me to the bakery and treated me like a Queen!

I had the run of the place.  

It was heaven on earth.

I remember walking past huge vats of whipped cream and being able to sample as much as I wanted.

I remember them magically and effortlessly making huge roses out of icing and putting them on a cake for me.  I got to design it, all by myself.  They were at my beck and call. 

I remember a  peanut butter machine that cranked out the best peanut butter ever!

I remember going back out to the front of the store and pointing and the pastry of my desire was delivered into my hands.  It was magical.

I remember loading up the trunk of the car with cheesecakes and other goodies to take home.

I'm sure I was sicker than a dog later that day, but I don't remember that. What I do remember is a day of pure joy with two men who's only goal was to make me happy.

I hope they know it worked; and that it makes me happy to this day whenever I eat cheesecake and remember them.

Lent 2014 - Day 31 - Being a Mom

Being a Mom

I used to think that in order to be a good Mom I had to be Super Mom.  You know, the June Cleaver type who always hard warm cookies waiting for the kids when they got home from school?  I actually once overheard a mom saying how she like to greet her kids with warm cookies when they got home.  It made me feel terribly inadequate for a long time.  Then I found out that mom had an affair and left her husband.  I don't feel so bad any more. 

With time, and lots of help from my kids and my husband (their Dad) I'm learning that being a good Mom is a lot more about being there, being engaged and interested, than it is about warm cookies.  I'm a better mom when I have time to myself, at work and with friends.  I would have been a terrible stay at home mom, it's just not my calling. 

I have learned that the fact that you actually manage to get everyone out the door with what they need in the morning is more important than staying up until 2am making home made snacks for the school party (Thank You to the schools that now ONLY allow store bought items, you have no idea how much guilt you have relieved!). I have learned that you can stay in touch with your kid's teachers and be involved in their activities without being the Class Mom. I have learned that it is important to take a day off of work to go on that school field trip, even if it means riding on a school bus for four hours.

For most of his life my son has had a best friend.  This young man has spent many hours/days in our home. For years he refused to call me anything other than Mrs. Geiken (his parents have raised him well).  I kept encouraging him to call me Cee, he wouldn't do it.  One day he started calling me Mom.  It was wonderful! He is now 20 years old and still calls me Mom.  There are actually several kids that are not related to me at all who call me Mom. I love it.  To me it is the ultimate form of respect and acceptance. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I have been blessed with two incredible children that I can call my own.  A year ago we added Wolf to the mix. I really couldn't ask for more.

A few years ago good friends of ours, who are about our age, fostered a young girl, who they have since adopted. She was 5 going on 6 when they first got her.  They had never had a child before. I got lots of questions from the mom and was happy to give advice.  She kept telling me I should write a book, I kept telling her I had 5 years of messing up before I got to where she was when she started!  I don't get a lot of questions from her anymore, she's figuring it out just fine on her own! They have become a great family and I look forward to watching them grow!

The true trick to being a good Mom? Listening.  Hear what you're children are saying and what they aren't. Respect their feelings and their opinions. Explain your decisions and stick to them, even when they don't like the answer. Have fun with you kids! Be involved in their lives and let them be involved in yours. Ask for help when you need it. Always say you're sorry when you screw up. Never let them forget how much you love them.

There you have it.  I'm not Super Mom, I'm just Mom and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Lent 2014 - Day 30 - The Little Things

The Little Things

Mean So Much

Today I've been thinking about the little things we do for each other that often mean so very much.  Things like the fact that Deane always leaves me a dry towel on the hook by the tub, even though he showers first in the morning. Things like, leaving my vitamins on the counter ready for me to take. Like coming home to find that Cora has cooked us supper, just because. These are the things that can totally make your day.

While I was recovering, my sister in law Donna, made me a quilt for my hospital bed.  Now that's a little bit bigger than some of the things I'm talking about, but it was perfect.  It took her a weekend to make, but made my room and bed feel so much more like home. I had other people bring me blankets and shawls too, all of them were hand made.  I still have them all and when I see them I think of the love and thoughtfulness that went into them.  It's a great feeling.

If its true, and I think it is, that these small acts of thoughtfulness can have such a huge impact on us, why don't we do more of them? Things like posting Happy Birthday to someone's Facebook wall, saying "You like really nice today.", paying for the guy behind you at the drive up, bringing snacks in for a long meeting, making the bed, putting a note in someones lunch box or posting it to their mirror.  All of these require very little effort on our part, yet we often overlook the chance to do them.  Why is that?  Why don't we all seize the opportunity to make someone's day every chance we get? 

I suppose if it happened all the time we'd start to take them for granted, but I still think we could do them a lot more often than we do. Therefore, I hereby challenge you to:

1. Appreciate the little things!  Acknowledge them when they happen. Say Thank You (that, in itself, can make someone's day).
2. Do the little things and keep doing them, as much as possible for as many people as possible.  It will make you happy.

Lent 2014 - Day 29 - Re-enacting

Re-enacting

Deane and I both love history.  We started taking that love of history further than the average bear shortly after we met.  It started innocently enough with dressing up to go Ren Faires and hosting medieval parties. Then we joined the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism).  Soon, that wasn't enough.  We had to form our own troop (St. Sebastian, a 14th Century English Archery Troop) and branch out into several different centuries.

Twenty seven years later, we're still at it.  

Our children have grown up dressing up in funny clothes and running off to the 14th or 18th century for the weekend.  I re-enacted through both summer pregnancies (I don't actually recommend that) and the kids both attended their first events as newborns.  I have never heard my children complain about being bored at an event, not once.  Getting Cora to keep a head-covering on is still a challenge, but otherwise they don't complain about the clothes either.  When Wolf came over, he joined in the fun and is now hooked as well.

Commitments in the mundane world keep us from participating as much as we used to, as do some of the physical demands.  We have expanded even more in the last few years to include Steam Punk in our repertoire, the only "fantasy" re-enacting we do and Deane, Julian and Wolf have started doing WWII stuff as well. 

I hope as life continues to change that more opportunities to play history will open up for us and that we can re-capture some of the thrill (some of what we do now has gotten a bit hum-drum and makes us work weary).  Perhaps as the children continue to grow, we can pass the organizational torch to them and we can start to come along for the ride instead.

One thing is for sure, I hope my children will pass this on to their children.  It has been a wonderful family activity that I wouldn't trade for the world!

Lent 2014 - Day 28 - Performing

Performing

Today I got to attend our school's Show Choir Spectacular (think talent show with no judging).  It is always an amazing show!  We have some very talented students at our High School, and great staff who teach and encourage them. We have attended this show for the last several years and have really enjoyed watching the kids.  The highlight for me, of course, is watching Cora perform.

Julian was in band, but never did Show Choir or any singing, so this is Cora's event.

Cora never let's us hear her songs before the performance, she wants it to be a surprise for us.  I think she just wants to make me cry in public.  She is amazing!

I used to do a lot of theater, when I was in High School.  I can't sing though.  I was always in the chorus for our school musicals because I could dance, sing with a group and act.  Believe me, you never want to hear me sing a solo!  I miss performing.  I really enjoy being in front of an audience.  Some of the best friends I've ever had were made during my theater days.  Someday, maybe soon, I hope to get back to it.  For now, I enjoy watching Cora shine.

She can sing and dance and act.  She did her first musical last summer and I'm hoping she'll do one this summer (Once Upon a Mattress!!!!!).  I love watching her.  Each time she performs her confidence grows.  It used to be that when she took the stage to sing I had to sit in the front row right in front of her so she could focus on me and no one else.  Not any more!  

Even though Cora can really get up there and belt it out, she's great at sharing the stage too.  This year she performed a duet with a young lady she's sung with many times.  Their voices together are awesome.  Cora likes to make sure everyone gets a chance to perform, it's one of the things I love about her.

I have really enjoyed helping to nurture this side of her.  I hope she keeps it up for many years to come.  I know when I decide to take the stage again myself, she will be there, front and center, cheering me on too!

Lent 2014 - Day 27 - What I Do for a Living

What I Do for a Living

I am a Usability Specialist.  Don't know what that is? Well, I think I'll sing you a song!

Seriously, sometimes, like today, I LOVE my job.  Today I got to do something I haven't done in a long time, I got to run Usability Evaluations on a website.  What's that you ask? Ok, I'll tell you, but I won't sing.

Usability is all about making things (in my case it's usually software interfaces or websites) easier to use. What I do is ask a user to perform a set of tasks on a website and observe how easy or difficult it is for them to complete the tasks.  I have them think out loud while they are performing the task so I can gain an understanding of their thought process and what they are looking for on the site.  I sometimes use software to capture what the user is doing and saying and it's great when I can have someone else take notes during the session so I can focus on facilitating the session and interviewing the user.  That's it in a nutshell.

What's so great about all that you ask? Well, sheesh, what isn't great about it!?!

You see, while I'm observing a session, I learn something EVERY SINGLE TIME!  

I've been working in web design / usability for about 25 years now (God, I'm getting old), ever since Al Gore invented the internet (I was actually at that press conference, it was at ACB in front of the CRAY Supercomputer) and Mosaic started supporting images. Despite all of the years of experience I have under my belt, there is always something I can learn by watching someone else go through a website or interface.

You know what else is awesome? Being able to make improvements to that site or interface based on that user feedback.  I help improve peoples lives! Ok, I at least make the experience of using that particular site/interface better.  It's the little things people!

I love seeing that Ah Ha moment in a designer or content provider's eyes when they finally get why people have been having trouble using their site/interface.  I love helping them figure out how to fix it and I really love watching a user then be successful, where before they failed.

I have to say, it's all pretty cool as far as I'm concerned, and can be very rewarding!

Lent 2014 - Day 26 - Fire & Wine

Fire & Wine

One of our favorite things to do is to have Fire & Wine.  We sit out in the back yard around our lovely fire pit with a roaring fire and sip wine with good friends.  It's heaven!

The key ingredients to a successful Fire & Wine are:

• nice weather, not too hot, not too cold
• comfortable clothes
• comfortable chairs
• good wine, or beer, or soda
• good friends
• great conversation

Our kids enjoy this ritual as much as we do, in fact the adults around the fire can often be outnumbered by teens (making it more of a Fire & Pop event).  My son has even been heard to say "No, we can't go yet, they're starting to tell stories, this is the best part!".  

That is what I love the most about these "events", the quiet (ok, sometimes it's not so quite) fellowship.

We pass down our legends around the fire.  We teach our children to make s'mores, roast the perfect marshmallow and warm their hands.  It is our version of a Story Circle. This is where memories are shared and made.  It is what life is all about, for me anyway.

So, the next time you see me post that it's time for Fire & Wine, grab a bottle and a chair and meet me, you know where!

Lent 2014 - Day 25 - Gratitude / Guilt

Gratitude / Guilt

This photo is from the Anniversary meal that was served to us while I was at Heartland.  It was prepared by my children and some very kind friends who did everything they could to turn a nursing home dining room into an intimate meal for two.  I am so very grateful to them, and to so many others, who went out of their way to help us in our time of need. 

The family that helped my children prepare this meal is now in dire need of help themselves.  I will do what I can for them, it won't be enough.

This breaks my heart.

There, but for the Grace of God, go I.

We could have lost everything.  We didn't.

I could have died. I didn't.

I guess it's called Survivor's Guilt.  Why did things work out for us and not for others?  

Every time I start to feel sorry for myself or get mad at the situation I'm in, I see or hear of someone who is far worse off than me.

I get it.  I need to get over it and move forward.  It's hard, it hurts and it's not fun, but I can do it and for that I am eternally grateful.

So, I guess it's time, once again, to pull up my Big Girl Pants, stop complaining about what's ailing me and get to work helping these dear people who need everything we can give them right now.

Hang on folks!  It's going to be a bumpy ride!

Lent 2014 - Day 24 - Caesar

Caesar

I love Teddy Bears, always have.  I have slept with one most of my life.  They are so soft and cuddly, relaxing to snuggle up with.  Love.

While I was recovering at Heartland some friends sent me Caesar as a gift.  Cora named him. He became my companion, a touch of home.  

I couldn't move very much for about 4.5 months. I'm a side sleeper, and that was simply not an option with re-bar through my pelvis. I was propped up on six pillows on a special air mattress, doing everything possible to take the weight off of my broken tail bone as well as keeping my pelvis from twisting.  It was a feat to say the least.  

At night, when it was time for bed, I would lean my bed back a little and tuck Caesar under my arm.  I could turn my head to the side, but that was about it.  Having something to cuddle definitely helped!

During the day, while I was out of my room for PT/OT, one of the housekeepers at Heartland would come in and clean my room.  There was one in particular who would always make my bed and arrange Caesar in some silly pose on it.  Sometimes he even had a note with some happy thought for me.  It always made me smile!

The kind man who sent Caesar to me has since passed away.  He was not much older than me and had suffered from poor health for a long time.  I think he knew exactly how much a soft Teddy Bear would help me.  I got to see him once after I was released from the nursing home.  He was in good spirits as always and it was a joy to be able to thank him for his gift in person.  He passed away about six months later from a heart attack.

I still sleep with Caesar tucked under my arm.  I can now sleep on my side once again, although rolling over is still a bit of a challenge.  I'm lucky that Deane doesn't get jealous or tease me about my sleeping companion. At night, as I'm falling asleep, I often think of those who sent Caesar to me and wish them peace.

I may never know why others die and I didn't, that is something I will struggle with always.  I can only try to do my best with the time I've been given.  I hope I'm doing it right.

Sweet dreams.

Lent 2014 - Day 23 - Food

Food

I love good food.  Unfortunately it shows, but I'm working on that.  Whenever we go someplace Deane and I try to eat food we can't get at home.  This last weekend was a wonderful opportunity for that!

I ate flat-bread pizza with smoked salmon, cream fresh, mozzarella and caviar for lunch on Friday. It was delicious! Deane had a Drunken Goat flat-bread pizza that had sausage and goat cheese and Merlot.  It was good too, but I won.

We do that; compete to see who picked the best dish.  It's fun and it means we get to share.

For dinner on Friday night, our friends Mike and Karen took us out to a steak place called Pittsburgh Blue.  It w was AMAZING!  The photo above was my meal, Filet Oscar.  Petite filet cooked medium rare with asparagus and a crab cake on top, smothered in Bearnaise sauce. We had stuffed mushrooms and loaded  mashed potatoes as sides.  And bread, can't forget the bread!  A nice Cabernet to wash it all down.
For dessert (as if there was any room) we had Red Velvet cake with wonderful cream cheese frosting and Key Lime pie. Love.

Going out for nice meals like this is about much more than the food.  It's an experience.  Good atmosphere, nice service, great company.  I love it when a meal takes a few hours to get through because you're busy talking and drinking it all in.  It gives you time to slow down and savor the conversation, company and the food.  It's about much more than the calories consumed, it's about the time spent together doing something enjoyable.

I like to cook too, when I have time to do it right, which, unfortunately isn't very often.  Sharing food is a way to share love and there's nothing wrong with that!

So, eat up and enjoy!

Lent 2014 - Day 22 - How I Met Your Father

How I Met Your Father

It was Spring Break of my Sophomore year at the U of I.  I was 20. My then boyfriend was out of town for the week and I went to my favorite campus bar, Eddies to hang out with some friends. 

Eddies had two levels of seating and I was at a table with some friends on the lower level.  This guy on the upper level kept trying to get my attention.  I was doing my best to ignore him.  Suddenly, I heard the guy call me by name. 

Now, I knew no one I was with would have told this guy who I was, so I was quite surprised.  I looked up and saw a girl I had gone to high school with sitting at a table with the guy who was harassing me, and this other really cute guy.  She was not someone I expected to see at Eddies, and in fact I hadn't seen her since high school, so I went up to talk to her.

When I got to her table she introduced me to her friends, Dave and Deane.  Dave, the guy who'd been pestering me all night, turned to me and said "Your eyes, they're so (wait for it!), dark!" and I believe I said something to the effect of "And you're so full of sh@@!".

We ended up hanging out as a group, some of my friends and Dave and Deane and the girl I went to school with.  It was a strange evening but an important one, as it was the day I met your father.  

Deane and I started dating about two months later.  Dave is still one of Deane's closest friends, even though he now lives hundreds of miles away.  I no longer think he is full of anything bad am very grateful to him for pestering me so much that fateful night!

Dave actually took this picture of us, it's one of my all time favorites!

Lent 2014 - Day 21 - Change

Change

I want to talk about changes in life, not money, but often we overlook the small changes that add up to big ones so I think it's a valid metaphor.  Anyway, it's my blog and I can do what I want!

Change is hard for most people, whether its big or small its almost always challenging.  I've gone through a lot of changes in the last few years and I like to think its what keeps life interesting.  for example, if I wasn't open to change we would have never hosted Wolf and that would have been terrible.  

Recently many people close to me have had to grapple with change.  Changes in work, changes in friends, changes in where or how they live.  Its harder for some than it is for others. Those that are successful are those who embrace it, work with the good and use it to over come the bad. Its all in the attitude.

To make change work you must stay true to yourself.  You can take other people's advice, but you can't let them make decisions for you. Pretending to be something you're not just to keep other people happy, or so you don't rock the boat may work for a short while, but it won't make you happy.  You must work to make changes that are good for you and yours.

Life is what you make of it.  Don't get short changed! Wasting time worrying about changes you can't control is useless; better to put your energy into making positive changes in your life.

Lent 2014 - Day 19 & 20 - Noah

Optimus Prime Noah Marcus "silent" Wolf Schaumburg

When your mother told me she was pregnant with you I was so excited I screamed! It's a wonder the whole neighborhood didn't find out!

We did know if you were a boy or a girl for awhile, so Deane and Julian started calling you Optimus Prime.

Wolf wanted to be sure he was part of your life too, so he lobbied to have his name added in.  Your mother said the Wolf would be silent, but we could say it was there.

You have been loved since before you were born.  Our families are one now that you are here.

Being your Godparents is something that Deane and I take very seriously.  We are so honored.  To be clear, that means that Julian and Cora are your family now too, as if there was ever a doubt.

Your Uncle Deane will teach you to be mischievous and geeky, kind and giving and to love children and dogs.

Julian will be your protector and will wrestle with you, chase you and catch you when you fall.

Cora will teach you compassion, to sing and cook and to be fearless.

I am your Auntie Cee and you will melt my heart every time you call my name (just like your sister Lilly does).  I will be there to watch over you, cheer you on, encourage you to try new things, cuddle you and dust you off.  And if you and Lilly promise not to tell your mom, you may have cake whenever you like!

Lent 2014 - Day 18 - Baptism

Baptism

I was baptized on June 16th, 2009 at the First Lutheran Church in Paxton.

This was something I struggled with for a very long time.  Julian finally put it into perspective for me by saying "What's the big deal, just do it!"  In other words, "Get out of your own way Mom and accept the truth."  After that, it seemed simple.

Deane was raised Lutheran and so have we raised our children.

My mother was raised Catholic and is now Episcopalian.  My father is Jewish.  I was raised to not believe in religion.  When I was young, neither of my parents practiced any faith.  They have since both gone back to church / temple.  My half siblings all grew up in faith.  I had to get there on my own.

My husband helped me get there, he helped a lot.  He was very patient and never pushy.  He led by example.  Then, one day, we met this great guy who also turned out to be my husband's Pastor.  It was a bit of a revelation for me that a Man of God could also be a regular man. One who liked Star Trek, motorcycles and wine.  He helped me get the rest of the way there.

Now, I'm working on learning and growing my Faith, something I'm sure I'll be doing the rest of my days.

Tomorrow I will have the honor of becoming a Godmother for the first time.  I can't begin to tell you how much this means to me.  To have people pick you to become part of their family, to be asked to help raise their child, there is no greater honor.  This, among many other things, is one of the greatest rewards my new found Faith has brought me.  I can hardly wait to see what will come next!

Lent 2014 - Day 17 - Astrid

Astrid

My silly little "broken" dog!  She sleeps like this all the time, it looks so uncomfortable!  Astrid is a dog of many names:

• Baby Girl
• Spazy Pants
• Broken Dog
• Little Dog
• Prancey Pants

Astrid is our female German Shepherd.  She's just over 60lbs of pure muscle.

Astrid loves Gunnar more than anything.

Astrid loves to run, and man is she fast!

Astrid likes to chase the laser pointer dot.  This drives Gunnar nuts.

Astrid is spoiled.  She likes to sleep on our bed, until we move our feet and sneaks up onto the couch when we're not home.

Astrid is very protective.

Astrid does not like remote control toys, she tries to kill them.

Astrid does not give lots of kisses.

Astrid is a great mom! She still likes it when her pups come to visit.

Astrid does not like guns.  She hides in the truck when we go shooting.

Astrid has terrible farts!  She's been known to wake herself up with the stink of them.

Astrid is our sweetie.  She and Gunnar are such a perfect pair.  It's really wonderful to see how much they love each other.

Lent 2014 - Day 16 - Marvin

Marvin

I found out today that a friend's mother passed away.  It made me think of Marvin, my Father-in-Law. Marvin left us a few years ago, but the memories he gave us will never go away.

Some of my fondest memories of Marvin:

Upon our first meeting, him asking me if I had learned to shuck corn seeing as how I was from New York City. I had.  I passed that first test.

Hanging wallpaper in my dining room while he was trying to quit smoking!

Coming home to find a dining room set, a deep freezer, a dresser, or whatever piece of furniture we were currently in need of in my garage; he'd picked it up at an auction for a song.

Borrowing his '74 Mustang and driving it around when I was 9 months pregnant with Julian.

Him getting down on his hands and knees in his kitchen and trying to teach Julian to crawl.

Him teaching me how to drive a tractor, run a log splitter and a chain saw.

Him teaching the kids how to warm their hands over a campfire.

Him teaching the kids to drive in his Cushman cart.

The greatest compliment he ever paid me: "You're handier than a pocket on a shirt!" Given while siding our garage.

Dancing with him.  He was a great dancer.

Marvin was a wonderful soul.  He had a great sense of family, a gift he gave to us all.

He is deeply missed.

Lent 2014 - Day 15 - Being Connected

Being Connected

I think we can all pretty much agree that technology is awesome, when it works! 

Take for example, the fact that I could go along with my daughter as she shopped in Florida today.  Through text messages and photos I was able to share in the experience from my office in Illinois.  It made me miss her, but I think it made her miss me less.  It was pretty awesome.

Today I also shared one of my all time favorite Bill Cosby (Chocolate Cake) skits with my kids.  They've heard us reference it many times, but I'm not sure they'd ever seen it before.  Now, if I could just track down a clip of his "Jesus Christ and Dammit" skit, my day would be complete!

I'm using technology right now to talk to the tens of you who read my posts. I use it at work to well, have a job really.  It's all pretty awesome.  Except when it isn't.

It isn't awesome at the dinner table.

It really isn't awesome in the movie theater or at a play (except when you're texting your daughter as she's trying to find the right gate for her connecting flight in Atlanta and she's all by herself, then, it's awesome as long as it's done discretely).

I guess I'd have to go with it's not awesome anytime it prevents people from communicating, especially in person.

It is awesome when one person in your family lives overseas and you want to see them but can't be there in person.

It can be a detractor, even when we think it's enhancing the experience.  Sometimes we get so caught up in sharing an experience we forget to experience it. Experience it first, share it later. Don't get distracted by all of the technology and information around you and lose sight of the people and things right in front of you.

Let technology enhance your life, not dominate it.

Lent 2014 - Day 14 - Vote!

Vote!

The right to vote in an election is huge!  The fact that we, as a nation, can go to the polls peacefully and vote for those we wish to represent us in our governments, voice our opinions about taxes and referendums is truly one of the things that makes our nation great. The system isn't perfect, but it's pretty good.  I do wish we (in Illinois) didn't have to vote a "straight" ticket in the primary elections, and I find the whole Electoral College thing terribly confusing, but over all I am thrilled with the ability to vote.

If you are an American Citizen and you are over 18 I certainly hope you voted today.  If you didn't you not only forfeited your right to have a say in the elections, you have also forfeited your right to complain about the results of said elections.

Think about it for a minute. We don't have to risk our lives to voice our opinions. There are no armed guards at our polling places.  We don't have to dip our thumbs in ink once we've voted.  Anyone who is a citizen of our country and 18 years old can vote.  How cool is that!?!

People died to give us this right and people are dying still to protect it.  Do not disrespect them!  Get out there and VOTE!

Lent 2014 - Day 13 - Gunnar

Gunnar

Gunnar Valentine VonGeiken, to be exact, i our male German Shepherd.  He weighs just under 100 lbs, has a very loud and very deep bark and is a total sweetie pie!

Gunnar can pop a basketball in one bite.

Gunnar loves to chase tennis balls, but his favorite toy of all time is a Jolly Ball.  He will chew on a Jolly Ball until he has completely removed it's handle.  It becomes his life's work when he gets one.

Gunnar eats rawhides.

Gunnar adores babies!

Gunnar hates fireworks and thunder but doesn't mind gunfire.

Gunnar tries to retrieve clay pigeons.  This is not a good thing.

Gunnar gets jealous when Deane and I hug.  He will push his way in between us.

Gunnar sleeps at the bottom of the stairs where he can see every door into/out of the house.

He has the softest ears!

He will lean against my legs so that I can't walk and must scratch his back.

Gunnar loves CBR (canine belly rub).

Gunnar is the Big Dog and he likes to chew on the Little Dog (Astrid).

Gunnar is madly in love with Astrid.

Gunnar is the best dog anyone could ask for!

Lent 2014 - Day 12 - Involvement

Involvement

Deane has always said that if he didn't want to be involved in his kid's lives, he wouldn't have had kids.  I tend to agree with him.

While I don't consider us Helicopter Parents (at least I really hope we're not), I would say we are very involved parents.  We always have been.  We volunteered at our kid's pre-schools, worked with them in Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, supported them with the parent's groups dedicated to various sports and school activities, (cross country, band, chorus, post prom) and theater, and serve as youth leaders in our church.  Along the way, we became involved in the lives of many other children as well, what a gift that has been!

We are no longer as involved in Julian's life, as he is moving more into adulthood and a life of his own. However, we have fostered shared interests over the years and are enjoying participating in activities as more of a peer now.  It's pretty awesome really!

We still have a few years of active participation left with Cora as she finishes up High School.  We seem to be milking it for all it's worth.  She is involved in more activities than her brother was and we are right there with her.  

We are enjoying the ride, even though it is often very hard work involving long hours.  To be able to help these kids be successful, to see them grow and share their talents with the world, is truly a wonderful thing. We have built friendships with other involved parents, nurtured kids who's parents are absent (for many reasons) and supported teachers and other leaders who need all of the help they can get.

I can't recommend it enough. Get out there.  Get involved. What you get out of it will be so much more than what you put into it.  It will be worth all of the frustration, sore feet and lack of sleep.  One smile, one triumph, one proclamation of "That was the best _______ EVER!" from joyful kids is better than a thousand nights sitting on the couch in front of the TV.

Lent 2014 - Day 11 - Show Choir

Show Choir

Heading home after spending the entire day with our daughter's High School Show Choir at a competition. What an awesome group of kids. 

These kids are very talented and fun. It was a long and exhausting day, but by no means was it boring. Our kids are never any trouble.  They don't really need much in the way of chaperons. They need the odd word of encouragement, and help finding their shoes, but are always well behaved. 

It was a joy to be a part of this day of theirs. I'm looking forward to more over the next few years. First, I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep!

Lent 2014 - Day 10 - My Marriage

My Marriage

My marriage is very important to me. I am very fortunate to have what I consider to be an excellent one.  I'm not trying to brag here, I know we are some of the lucky ones.

My parents divorced when I was nine.  My mother went on to marry and divorce 2 more times before I finished college.  My father remarried when I was 12 and is still married.

Deane's parents were married for over 60 years, until his father passed away.

I knew I wanted to get married, but wasn't in a hurry to do so.  Deane and I were together for three and half years before we married on December 22, 1990.  It was two weeks before my 24th birthday; Deane was 25.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Marriage is hard work.  We have had our ups and downs and have been faced with many challenges.  I think each challenge makes us stronger.  We are not the same people we were 24 years ago, thank goodness!  Wouldn't it be boring if nothing ever changed!

Some of the best compliments my husband has ever given me are "You are so much fun!" and "You are always surprising me!"  I think it's wonderful that after all of these years we are still learning about each other; still trying new things and enjoying life together.

Deane has always been there for me.  He makes me stronger.  He makes me laugh.  He pushes me and catches me and even carries me. I do the same for him.

We are a good team.  We read each other's thoughts and finish each other's sentences.  We get frustrated and fight and push each other's buttons. We know what will make each other happy or sad and do our best to stay happy.

We work hard.  We play hard. Mostly, we do things together.

I'm a little worried about what will happen for us in the next chapter of our lives as our children will be on their own soon.  I'm sure we'll figure it out.  It will take some adjusting.  It will take some work.  We will do it together.

Lent 2014 - Day 9 - Wolf

Wolf

Last year we had the honor of hosting a young man from Germany in our home.  It was one of the best decisions we ever made!

Wolf is the son/brother we didn't know we had, but are sure glad we got to meet!

Wolf finds joy in meeting new people and trying new things.  We got to learn so much about ourselves by introducing him to our lives.

Wolf has more clothes than most teenage girls!

Wolf can eat more (5 double bacon cheeseburgers at one sitting) than anyone I have ever met!

Wolf is a perfect fit in our family.

Wolf is quite the Rock 'n Roll star when given the chance.

Wolf plays a mean cow bell!

Wolf learned the true meaning of friendship while in Paxton.

Wolf is very thoughtful,  very slow to anger and cares deeply.

Wolf likes to party!

Wolf has a great appreciation for all kinds of music, history and movies.

Wolf learned about giving time and helping others and loved it!

Wolf understands the meaning of  "family".

Wolf is greatly missed.

Lent 2014 - Day 8 - Paying It Forward

Paying It Forward

For the last 6 years Deane and I have been the leaders for our Church Youth Group. One of the things we do a lot of is raise money for the group to do things like go to Youth Gatherings and have Lock Ins. Every year during Lent we host a Soup & Sandwich supper at our church for a Free Will Donation. This is one of the major fundraisers for our group.  

This year we decided to shake it up a bit.

This year we decided to split the money we raise 50/50 between the Youth Group and a different person in need or charity each week.  Ok, it was my idea but the kids thought it was a good one.

We do not bring in tons of money.  All of the food is provided by the members of the Youth Group and their families. Tonight we served about 30 people and raised a total of $150. 

Do the math, that's an pretty expensive bowl of soup & sandwich!

We will donate half of it to a local woman who is in the hospital fighting a very serious infection.  It won't pay her bills, but it may pay for parking for her family to visit her, or gas for trips back and forth to the doctor once she gets out of the hospital. It did raise awareness that she is in need and hopefully there will be a ripple effect.

My family received help like this a few years ago and I can't begin to tell you what it meant to us.

We were in need.  I was in the hospital/nursing home for almost 6 months and off work for a year. Family and friends hosted fundraisers for us and we received pretty much exactly the amount of money we needed to keep going.  People also brought us food and groceries, bought my kids their school supplies, paid for their school lunches and left Christmas gifts on our doorstep.

My accident was not the defining moment of my life (I'll talk about that one later), but it definitely had a great impact on us (ha ha, impact, get it?).  All of the good that we received as a result of this bad thing needs to be paid forward. That's what we are trying to do, one bowl of soup, sandwich or whatever at a time.

Go out there, perform a random act of kindness and pay it forward!  You will receive so much more than you give!  It's amazing!

Lent 2014 - Day 7 - Cora

Cora

My baby girl, isn't she beautiful? Just wait until you get to know her, then you really understand how beautiful she is.

Cora is very outgoing.  She is our social butterfly!

Cora worries more about others than she does herself, she is very empathetic.

Cora is a nerd, and proud of it.

Cora loves cosplay, Dr. Who, Star Trek, gaming and cupcakes.

Cora has an amazing voice.

Cora loves children and dogs.

Cora can break easily, she takes other's words to heart.

Cora doesn't like to fight.

Cora is strong.

Cora is a great shot!

Cora has a huge heart.

Cora laughs easily.

Cora makes my heart sing.  She gives me strength. I know she will always be there for me. I can't wait to see what she does with her life.  She brings me joy and I love her.

Lent 2014 - Day 6 - Julian

Julian

What can I tell you about my son, Julian?

He's Awesome! Oh, you want details? Ok!

Julian is cautious, he always has been.  He likes to assess a situation before he jumps into something. This should serve him well as he goes into the field of Criminal Justice.

Julian is generous. He has never been very competitive which means that if someone wants something like being first in line, he's happy to oblige.  Now when it comes to his sister, that's another matter!

Julian is helpful. Whenever someone asks for his help he does his best to be there.  He is also quick to hold open a door for a stranger or help someone struggling with something.

Julian is friendly.  He has always had lots of friends in many different circles.  He can be kind of quite until he gets comfortable with a situation, then look out! 

Julian is loyal.  Once you gain his trust he is your friend for life.

Julian is stubborn and sarcastic.  I have no idea where this comes from!

Julian loves history and cars and firearms.

He is picky about his clothes but not his food.

He loves to travel.

He loves children, always has.

He loves dogs.

Julian appreciates a good sunrise or sunset and will stop and tell others to look at them.

Julian is strong.

Julian appreciates his family and loves them.

Julian is smart.

Julian makes me proud and I love him.

Lent 2014 - Day 5 - Sunday Night Crew

Sunday Night Crew

Almost every Sunday evening this group of kids come over to watch TV with us.  Mainly we watch The Walking Dead, lately we've been turning them on to Firefly too.  It's great.

We all cram together on our TV room couch, eat cookies, drink tea and watch TV.  We talk about all kinds of things and laugh a lot.  We really enjoy their company and wit.  I think they enjoy hanging out with adults who enjoy their company.

I will miss these nights when the kids are grown.  Maybe we'll be able to make friends with other teens, but it won't quite be the same.  I wish I had had a place like this to go when I was their age, I think it would have done me good. I hope they are getting as much out of it as we are.  They keep us sharp and keep us laughing, what more could you ask for?

Lent 2014 - Day 4 - Paxton

Paxton

I love living here!

I love that it takes half an hour to run to the IGA for a gallon of milk because you have to stop and talk to 10 people while you're in the store.

I love that what's going on in our schools is considered front page news in our local paper.

I love the way people look out for each other here.

When I had my motorcycle accident 2.5 years ago, among other things people did for us, for six months people brought dinner to my house everyday.  This was such a huge thing for us. While I was in the hospital it took a huge weight off my husband's shoulders.  Once I got to Heartland, just down the street from our house, it allowed Deane and the kids to bring dinner to me and let us eat together as a family, something we have always tried to do. It meant the world to me. I will never know who all of these people were who provided us with the food, or be able to thank them.  That's ok, they don't care about that, they care about me and my family and that's what matters.

Whenever someone in Paxton needs help the town is there for them and so are we.

I know some people don't like living in small towns because they say too many people get into their business. I have not found this to be the case.  What I have found here are wonderful, giving people who care about each other.

It is a privilege to live here and I have no plans to leave.

Lent 2014 - Day 3 - My Girls

My Girls

I have this amazing group of women I get to call my friends.  Every once in a while, we get together for our Girl's Night In.  They all show up at my house in their PJs or sweats and we sit around eating Chinese take out and drinking wine. Eventually we watch a chick flick or two, while drinking more wine.

It's perfect!

While we're hanging out in our comfy clothes we talk about everything. We discuss the finer points of our relationships, shopping, our kids, food, etc.  It's a safe and warm place where we get to love one another for exactly who we are.  We talk about serious things.  We hug, we cry, but mainly, we laugh.  Sometimes we laugh so hard we pee our pants (anyone got a a dollar bill?).

I am so very lucky to have these women in my life.  They lift me up and hold me close.  I love them all more than I can say. I know they are always there for me, and I'm there for them.  I love that my daughter gets to see how close women can be, even though she thinks we're crazy. We've taught her some very important skills, like how to open a bottle of wine and how to support each other just by being there. I hope that someday she has a group of friends like you and that she can embarrass her daughter the same way.

Thank you ladies, for you make my life better just by being in it!

I think it's time to schedule another Girl's Night In!

Lent 2014 - Day 2 - Home

Home

This is my home.  We bought this house about a year and a half after we got married.  Back then, it was army green with darker green trim.  Over the past 20+ years we have worked hard to make this house our home.  We have remodeled every room, at least once and work on painting the outside of it pretty much every year.

I love this house.

Growing up I moved almost every year. My parents were in Grad School when they had me and we moved around while they finished their degrees.  When I was 9 they got divorced and never lived in the same state after that.  My father stayed in Urbana (he lives in Champaign now), but my mother continued to move about the country.  I would spend one year with one parent, then the next year with the other one.  This continued until half way through my Freshman year of High School, when I decided I'd had enough. 

I chose to stay in Urbana (my mother lived in Fairbanks, AK at the time), because I had more friends there. I lived in the same house then until I graduated from High School; 3 years, the longest I had ever lived in one place in my entire life.

Deane lived in the same house until he moved out to go to college.  His mother still lives in their family home.

Our children have lived in this house their entire lives.  We love to travel, because we have a wonderful home to come back to.

There is still work to be done on this house.  It, like our lives, is a work in progress.  May we never grow tired of it!

Lent 2014 - Day 1 - My Family

My Family

For Lent this year I'm trying something new.  I'm not at all sure I will make it through all 40 days, but I'm going to give it a try.  I am going to post a photo each day of something or someone that is important to me. That alone is a challenge, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I should also share WHY the person(s) or thing(s) is/are important to me.

I thought I'd start with the obvious, My Family.  That's easy! Actually, no.  The people in this photo are the most important people in the world to me.  They are the ones who have taught me what the word "family" means.

Growing up my family was small, and disjointed to say the least.  We were not particularly close and many of us didn't really care for each other.  I know my experience is not unique and I'm not complaining, just stating some facts.  I was an only child until I was 16, when my first half-sister was born.  I moved out when I was 18, so I never really got to experience life with a sibling.

When I met my husband I began to learn what family really means.  His family is large, connected and very close (not to mention loud!). It took me a long time to understand why he would want  to spend time with them. It boggled my mind that one would voluntarily go "home" and work on one's parent's or sibling's house, or get together for dinner.  Slowly I learned.  

Family are the people you can count on, related or not, no matter what, to be there for you, love you, laugh and cry with you.  They are there through the good and the bad, when you are at your best and when you are at your worst.  It was amazing!

This is the kind of family my husband and I have tried to build for our kids.  I think it's working.  I am still surprised that my kids want to hang out with us (me).  I love that my college aged son still comes home most weekends, my high school aged daughter still confides in me and my adopted German son shares his life with us from thousands of miles away.

This is my Zombie Apocalypse Team - Deane, Julian, Cora and Wolf, and together we will survive!

Pain

Pain

So, I just read read this blog post, "6 Things About Chronic Pain You Didn't Know You Knew" and I felt I had to respond.  I agree and can identify with most of what this post talks about.  For the past two and half years pain has been my constant companion in one form or another(or both), and realistically that's not going to change any time soon.  The descriptions and points made about the first 3 topics are pretty good, but I take exception to the tone of the last 3.

1. Pain is exhausting- Oh, this is sooooo true!  It's always there and you're always trying not to let it get in the way. But, the question I ask is, is it any more exhausting than a million other things people deal with on a daily basis? Small children for example, caring for them is exhausting.  Older children, worrying about them is exhausting. Homework, Relationships, Parents, Bills, Work, you get the point, anything that is constantly in the back of your mind is exhausting.  

2. Pain causes poor sleep - This is also true.  In fact, about the only times I break down completely are when the pain wakes me up at 2:00 a.m. and won't let me get back to sleep.  But again, substitute the word Pain in that sentence with any of the ones I listed above, or a myriad of others, and you get the same result. 

3. Pain makes you cranky. So does lack of sleep, hunger, hang-overs, people who don't use their turn signals, you get the picture. Deal with it!

4. Pain kills your concentration. Short, unexpected bursts of pain, yes (and anyone who has to deal with nerve pain can relate to this, but then so can the guy who hit his thumb with a hammer), otherwise NO!  Paying too much attention to my pain can kill my concentration.  This is where, at least for me, it's mind over pain.  I do not choose to be controlled by my pain, I could be, but I choose not to be.

5. Pain damages your self esteem. Sometimes, sure, but so does telling me I look fat in those pants.  What damages my self esteem is ME.  I start to feel sorry for myself because I can no longer trip the light fantastic with my dear husband, but then I remember we can still slow dance and I can boogie in place. My daughter doesn't care if I can't Jump to the Left, as long as I'm doing the Time Warp with her, and having fun, that's all that matters!

6. Pain causes isolation. No, focusing on pain causes isolation.  If I want to be social I have to suck it up, plan ahead and make allowances for myself.  Guess what, so does everyone else!  We all have our demons: pain, food allergies, shyness, kids, work schedules, etc., that can make socializing a challenge. 

I guess the point I'm trying to make here is, I'm not special because I have pain, I'm just human.  We ALL have our challenges, seen and unseen.  It is the attitude with which you choose to accept these challenges that is the key. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint.  I bitch and moan and cry just like everyone else.  What I won't do is let my challenges define me or how those around me interact with me. 

It is important for people to remember that everyone has challenges and that yours may not be the same as mine, but I also think it's important to face those challenges with positivity and grace. I strive to make the world and those around me feel good about being with me and not worried about my struggles.